|
The Power of Forgiveness
Just before Christmas one year I was in great inner turmoil. I was like a volcano ready to erupt at the slightest provocation, ready to spew anger, judgment and criticism on innocent victims. It was like a spiritual malaise which I begged the Lord to cure. Then Christmas came and I calmed down and forgot about my prayer.
In early January my husband and I both felt the need to deepen our understanding of the Catechism and the Documents of Vatican II, especially in relation to the Eucharist. We flew down to Pensacola, Florida, to attend the International School of Catholic Lay Evangelization founded by Charlie and Jeanne Osborne. They challenged us to look within to see if we were living the love we were preaching in our apostolate. It was a call to radical love, to examine our relationship with the Lord. What good does it do to worship the truth if we're not living the truth? Do I adore Jesus on the altar but not in my neighbor? How am I loving the people with whom I disagree? Am I willing to forgive my enemies and do good to those who hate me, even when it involves our ministry? These were some of the hard questions raised by Charlie and the Good News ministry team, which, by mid-week, I realized were being put to me by the Lord Himself. Although I had my reasons for going to the school, I knew the Lord had his own agenda for me. He brought me to this school in answer to my prayer for inner peace.
As soon as I got home I made an appointment with my pastor. At the last Parish Council meeting in December I had backed him up against a wall, demanding to know why certain policies weren't being implemented. I called his attention to the void that exists due to a lack of programs, hoping that I could force him into action. I was angry at him and used the council meeting to bring him down. I came to make amends, I told him, to ask his forgiveness for the ways I've tried to hurt him. I shared that I've been going about my life all wrong lately. I've been setting fires, trying to give God to people as if I could do that! I'm learning that I can't give God to anybody, but I can give myself, my love, my service. I told him I want to learn to be a servant and if I can be of help to him, especially in the areas which interest me, then I asked him to please call on me. He is the pastor and has the discernment and obligations of leadership.
I didn't expect the response I received. He asked my forgiveness for the ways he's tried to block my efforts and then proceeded to affirm me for my gifts! We had a meeting that was genuine and healing for both of us.
I immediately felt the impact of loving people with Jesus' love. On the morning that I made the appointment to seek my pastor's forgiveness, the pain and swelling in my arthritic knees which had been severely incapacitating me for the past year completely disappeared! The Lord was teaching me a powerful lesson: when we remove the obstacles to God's grace, He pours His healing love into our broken bodies and hearts to restore us and make us whole.
He was answering my plea for peace by showing me the way to peace is to wash others feet by loving them and serving them, not by holding them bound with anger and unforgiveness. He has also given me a handle on my anger and a way to deal with it. After Jesus washed Peter's feet He said, I have set an example for you, so that you will do just what I have done for you. Now that you know this truth, how happy you will be if you put it into practice!
|
|
